"Is please really the magic word?"Although this question may have been jocose, I felt it was a question worth further exploration. For those of you unaware, "please" is often referred to as the "magic word" among parents, professionals, and even pop culture:
Now, just for clarification purposes, it should be noted that please is not a magic word in a conventional sense (magician do not say "please" before pulling a rabbit out of there hat). It is said to be magical because it is implied that if one says please before a request, compliance is more likely. In order to understand why please may be a "magic word", it is worthwhile to inspect the origins of the word please, and manners at large.
PLEASE TELL ME THE HISTORY:
According to Webster's dictionary, please is derived from Middle English, Anglo-French, akin to Latin and Greek, with its first known use in the 14th century. Although it is unclear as to how the word please came about, sociologists view manners as the unenforced modern standards of conduct used to demonstrate that one is refined. Words such as "unenforced" and "modern" are especially important to the definition when one considers how manners can vary not only between cultures, but over time.
Although the history of manners is somewhat debatable, a complete and well researched account is offered by Norbert Elias, a German sociologist, in his two volume book "The Civilizing Process". In his book, Elias argues that a complex network of social connections which developed in post-medieval Europe lead to the creation of the "super-ego". Freud's theories aside, Elias theorized that perceptions of violence, sexual behavior, bodily functions, forms of speech, and even table manners were transformed by the increasing amount of shame and repugnance from court etiquette.
Due to the lack of research on how various forms of etiquette began, some speculation is necessary. It stands to reason that as prehistoric man formed societies, it was necessary to learn how to behave in a peaceful manner. Given that other individuals are often a source of self-esteem (Baumeister & Leary, 1995), and that we cooperate with and seek out close others (Murray, 1938), manners could be a way for us to achieve social approve (Cataldi & Reardon, 1996). Speculation aside, the question at hand is whether or not saying please actually prompts a higher rate of compliance.
PLEASE LET THERE BE MAGIC:
According to Francik and Clark (1985), speakers who are requesting information often face potential obstacles in getting information. They devised a study in which participants read a variety of scenarios which contained a high or low obstacle to getting the information they requested. Results suggest that participants who read a scenario which entailed a large obstacle were less likely to make direct requests, such as "Do you remember what time the concert begins tonight" as opposed to "What time does the concert begin tonight". The ladder implies that wording requests in a manner such that they are not authoritarian is suited when the obstacle is seen as large.
While this finding may not be directly related to the word "please" it is interesting to consider in the context of when saying "please" is deemed necessary. Perhaps one of the most common instances in which please is deemed necessary is in early childhood interactions with teachers. Everyone likes to be respected, and teachers may even think it is their job to instill good manners in children; however, what does expecting a child to say "please" really imply? If the child wants something to use the bathroom, and the teacher insists the child say "please", this is similar to the teacher considering themselves a larger obstacle in the child's ability to go to the bathroom than the child itself is willing or able to recognize. Additionally, if an authority figure asks a child to clean up by saying, "please pick up your toys", the word please makes the request sound less important, and may even lead the child to believe that they have the ability to say no to their parental figure. Instead of teaching a child to say please after every instance, it may be more worthwhile to teach children the subtleties of when to say please, as well as reconsidering when you really think a please is necessary.
SAYING PLEASE CAN HELP:
Given that please may not always be necessary, can saying please ever really help? Pennebaker and Sanders (1976) conducted one of the first studies which may shed some light on the question at hand. While their paper is examining the effects of authority on reactance, their experimental manipulation warrants some notice. In this study researchers posted placards in 17 toilet stalls throughout the day. The signs had a message containing a high threat (e.g. "Do NOT write on the walls!") or a low threat message (e.g. "Please, do not write on the walls").
While there is more to the study than what has been described, researchers noted that under certain conditions, proffered threats may cause the behavior to increase rather than decrease. This implies that in a public setting, a high threat message may be worthwhile, but in a private setting, where the chances of getting caught are minimal, a low threat message (one that says please) is more effective than that of a high threat.
SAYING PLEASE CAN HURT:
Firmin et al. (2004) conducted a study which directly tested the please hypothesis by conducting a telephone poll to students on campus. In the study, research assistants called participants asking whether or not they would commit to buying one cookie to support a local homeless shelter. Experimenters kept the script the participants heard the same, except for the addition of the word please.
As suggested by the results, the addition of the word "please" seemed to backfire, such that, when participants were asked to please commit, they were less likely to state they would buy a cookie than when the plea was not used. Researchers attempted to explain these findings by claiming that on a campus setting, which constantly bombarded with pleas to commit their time and money to various causes, students may be more immune to the word like please. Additionally, researchers theorized that students may have been suspicious of the request, as the word please was not really necessary for what was asked, and it may have been perceived as if the person making the request was too good to be true in selling homemade baked goods in support of a homeless shelter.
Although several other theories are postulated as to explaining the results, I personally feel that when participants were asked to make a commitment, they felt good about themselves for supporting others. However, when the word please was tacked on, participants were robbed of that feeling, for the word implies that the request is great, and as a result they may have rationalized that they were buying the cooking for the asker, not the cause. This explanation fits the perception-of-relationship theory proposed by Aune and Basil (1994).
CONCLUSION:
As illustrated in the video below, saying "please" to a computer is not likely to gain additional compliance. However, one should not give up on ever saying please again. It is merely important to know how to use the term correctly.
Collectively, saying "please" can go a long way to making a request seem more reasonable; however, caution should be used as to when the word is said. Please should not be used for just any request, but rather a request that might be considered unreasonable without it. As suggested by Sanders and Fitch (2001), the context in which a statement is made is of great importance. Please can be a magical word, and in the case of our magician, there may be some situations where they would want to say please to get the rabbit out of the hat, but futher research is needed to determine what times make please the most "magical".
NOTE: If you have a question for me to research and answer please submit it as a comment, or send it to ELKronos@aol.com / Facebook.com/ELKronos. Submit your name and location if you wish to opine.
CITATIONS:
Aune, K., & Basil, M. (1994). A relational obligations approach to the foot-in-the-mouth effect. Journal of applied social psychology, 24, 546-556.
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497-529.
Cataldi, A. E., & Reardon, R. (1996). Gender, interpersonal orientation, and manipulation tactic use in close relationships. Sex Roles, 35, 205-218.
Elias, N., (1969). The Civilizing Process, Vol.I. The History of Manners, Oxford: Blackwell.
Firmin, M.W., Helmick, J.M., Iezzi, B.A., & Vaughn, A. (2004). Say please: The effect of the word "please" in compliance-seeking requests. Social behavior and personality, 32, 67-72.
Firncik, E.P., & Clark, H.H. (1985). How to make requests that overcome obstacles to compliance. Journal of memory and language, 24, 560-568.
Murray, H. A. (1938). Explorations in personality. New York, NY, US: Oxford University Press.
Pennebaker, J.W., & Sanders, D.Y. (1976). American graffiti: Effects of authority and reactance arousal. Personality and social psychological bulletin, 2, 264-269.
Sanders, R., & Fitch, K. (2001). The actual practice of compliance seeking. Communication theory, 11, 263-289.
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